We Didn’t Cause the Chaos – (We Didn’t Start the Fire)

State of California NORCOM

We are the California’s Department of State Parks and Rec (Rangers) and Department of Fish and Wildlife (Wardens) Northern Dispatch Center – more commonly known as NORCOM. With 189 parks, 42 counties, 790 miles of coastline, and 130 radios, dull is not in our vocabulary.  

We Didn’t Cause the Chaos
(To the tune of “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel) 

[Intro]
Parks are burnin’, fish are churnin’
Calls come in, and I ain’t learnin’
Why do people camp with snakes?
Wardens in pursuit, ‘bout to overtake?

[Verse 1]
Bear cub in a gift shop, ranger with a nosebleed
Poacher in a jet ski suit, cooking something not weed
Lost a hiker, naked guy, drone inside a nesting site
Guy with fireworks thinks he’s “cool,” now the canyon’s lit tonight

Illegal fishing, baby deer, squirrel bites a vendor’s ear
Speeding on the lake again, now we’re writing citations ten by ten
Trash fire in a picnic zone, influencer broke her phone
Blamed the trail, blamed a ghost, called us crying near the coast

[Chorus]
We didn’t cause the chaos
It was always burnin’
While the world’s just turnin’
We just take the call-outs
Track it, stack it, map it
And pretend we’re chillin’

[Verse 2]
Cougar near a playground slide, ranger yells “It’s fine, just hide”
Tent’s abandoned, vibe’s not neat—bikers tearing up the street
Kayak thief with zero pants, screaming ‘bout a forest dance
“Didn’t know the park had bears”—Ma’am, this is literally their lair

Bonfire on the beach at night, swears the flames are ‘spiritual light’
Someone stole a paddleboard, rangers chasing with accord
Skunk attack at campsite five, wedding party still survived
Guy in camo won’t come out, says he’s “fighting for the trout”

[Chorus]
We didn’t cause the chaos
But we hear it daily
While the rest act shady
We just route the call-outs
In our headsets fryin’
Still the tone keeps cryin’

[Bridge]
Saw a deer with lights on head
Swears it’s part of Santa’s sled
Campers tried to pet a fox
Now it’s hiding in their Crocs
Drone crash, flash flood, rattlesnake on lifeguard rug
Caller swears it’s not a reach— ‘There’s wiretaps hidden in the beach!’

[Verse 3]
Feral pig, Frisbee fight, stolen kayak every night
Teens with glow sticks making stew, don’t ask us what’s in the brew
Park closed? Doesn’t matter. Folks just climb the fence and scatter
Then they call us from the trail: “We’re so lost, and it started to hail!”

[Final Chorus]
We didn’t cause the chaos
But we’re in the middle
With a headset riddle
We just herd the chaos
With our barely functioning
Coffee-guzzling logic

[Outro – fade out chant-style]
Maps and mics and broken boats
We take calls, they take notes
Radio won’t shut up,
Still—we show up!
Nature’s weird, people too
NORCOM will rescue you
Just don’t call us
For your raccoon flu.

80s