The Best Little Dispatch In Mississippi

Disclaimer: All of the names and places have been changed to protect the innocent. I mean, who cares? It’s just a romantic musical, right?

Big John Johnson, the Sheriff of Josh County, Mississippi, has been in a 20-year secret relationship with the Director of E911 Dispatch, Miss Monica Whitley, smack dab in the middle of his jurisdiction of Timothy, MS.(1) He tries not to get involved with their business and she does not interfere with his because again their rendezvous is a secret and against county policy which can get both of them fired and shunned. (2) It never seems to fail that when they do get together on a phone call or at a city/county function, they are interrupted by Dispatch Supervisor, Ace Thompson. He is suspicious of their dealings with each other and always makes his way into situations where they are involved but says nothing of it to anyone… except those whom he thinks can hold cold water on their stomach. (3) Why should he? Miss Monica and Big John are upstanding officials and do a great job in defending the citizens of Josh County and getting the help of people in need.

Deputy Mayor Donnie Douglas and Deputy Sheriff Thomas Johnson, Big John’s brother who wants his positon, has been hearing tittle-tattle from Ace and his gossip friend, Thumper Thudson, who really can’t hold juicy gossip longer than John stayed in the army, and thinking that the relationship of Big John and Miss Monica has gone on long enough and either has to come to the light and made official or ended altogether, which neither of them wants since its more fun to sneak around talking to each other than it is to be directly talking to each other. (4) So, Donnie and Thomas start a plan to get Big John and Miss Monica to fess up to their ordeal and get them both fired from their county offices. They talk to the county busybody, Jean O’Neal to gather as much information as she can, which she does, and get back with them.

The Annual Josh County Fun Run is a four-day Football/Baseball/Basketball tournament between the Sheriff, Police, Fire, Emergency Medical departments, and City council members, ending with a formal attire ceremonial banquet to commemorate the good deeds that happened in the county from the previous year. (5) Donnie and Thomas told Jean that at the last presentation of the banquet, they were to present the investigative findings of the Big John/Ms. Monica relationship and put it on a PowerPoint presentation in front of everyone and expose the two. Jean told Ace and Ace told Thumper, which was the wrong person to tell.

The Fun Run was a success until the basketball game and Thumper got off work from the dispatch and went to work with the information he was told by Ace. While the Dispatch was making the last shot of the Basketball game, Thumper slyly mentioned to Miss Monica and Big John that somebody knows something about what they’ve got going on and it ‘might come up later.’(6) Miss Monica and Big John immediately pick up what he’s putting down and go to other sides of the court and call each other with the side eye and shuffle to figure out who told what and what they are going to do. Miss Monica says she will handle it at the end of her song. (7)

At the banquet, it’s almost to the end of the awards and Miss Monica has her Dispatch Center awards to hand out but after the last award, she has her own PowerPoint to show and all the tea is spilled! (8) She starts to expose all the gossip and wrongdoings of all the departments with photo/video proof of each situation. This causes an all-out brawl in the banquet with drinks, flowers, chairs, fists, and… wigs flying everywhere. Miss Monica and Big John slip out of the back and are met by Ace who takes a picture of the two kissing behind the building.

The next business day, Mayor Dewey Douglas calls for a full staff meeting and everything is laid out in the air by Donnie, Thomas, Jean, Ace, Thumper, Miss Monica, and Big John ending with Big John saying how much he loves Miss Monica and how he plans to marry her. (9)

Two years later, Ace is made Director, Big John runs for Senator and Miss Monica marries Big John.

Track list, as noted by parentheses:
1/20 Calls in Waiting
2/Lil’ Ole Bitty Pissant Dispatch
3/Callin’ and Sneakin’ Around For You
4/Shift Report Gossip/Dispatch Has A Leak All In It!
5/Fun Run Shag
6/What’s Going On With Them?
7/Side Eye Shuffle
8/Hard Banquet Brawl
9/I Will Always Call You!

Who this actually represents:

This represents us (and all dispatch centers for that matter) because we have our little gossipers around us that can’t hold ice water or a secret on their stomach to save their life. We also know at least one time in any workplace situation where employees have been sneaking around with each other and thinking no one else knows when in fact, EVERYBODY knows. I mean, who doesn’t know a boss/director/busybody who knows everyone’s personal business and isn’t afraid to air out all the dirty laundry in public.

I’m not saying that the actual situation has happened but it is very similar to ones I have seen before. To add, one of my favorite all-time musicals is The Best Little Whorehouse In Texas of which this is a parody of that musical. At least, this is a fun little musical to set awareness of how gossip can really make something beautiful in the end of it all.